


Vampire Malcolm

by TheCrazyGeek



Series: Vampire Malcolm [1]
Category: Thick of It (UK)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, F/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:19:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrazyGeek/pseuds/TheCrazyGeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm Tucker is a vampire, although not many people know it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a conversation on Tumblr and once I got started writing it...it kind of snowballed from there. It's still ongoing...

“Bite me” Sam asked of her amber-eyed boss.

Well of course it didn't start there, the good stories don't. 

Sam had been working for Malcolm Tucker for about 4 months before she'd noticed that the man rarely ate, drank, slept or went outside during sunny days unless he really had to, but she'd chalked it up to him just being overworked and of pale Scottish blood. The one and only time she'd made a comment about him needing some sunlight he'd given her a look that could strip paint off aircraft – So she kept her head down, replaced his cups of tea regularly and made sure the satsuma bowl on his desk never got too low.

Not too different from what any of the other PAs in the building did from what she heard, and at least her boss didn't make continual passes at her.

The really shocking realisation came when she realised she actually rather wanted him to.

There was something about him, a kind of personal magnetism that extended out from his wiry body. Having those soul-piercing eyes of his probably had a lot to do with it but even in his most cataclysmic rages he somehow still managed to exude an aura of pure wanton energy.

During the years, she got closer to him to the point where she would have dinner and drinks with him but to her eternal disappointment it never went any further. Finally, drunk after an office christmas party she cornered Jamie and demanded to know what it would take to get Malcolm Tucker to notice her.

“Wash your neck and don't wear perfume” was his slightly slurred reply before he went back to demolish more of the free drinks.


	2. Distracting the boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this part, Malcolm gets distracted by Sam and has an IM conversation with Jamie.

Jamie may have been drunk, but he also knew Malcolm better than just about anyone, so Sam took special effort the following Monday to ensure she was scrubbed clean but not with anything that would leave a scent on her skin and to wear an outfit that left her collarbones and neck bare.

_This is crazy_. She thought as she entered the office that morning, nodding to Malcolm as she always did (she’d never been able to beat him into work) and as the day proceeded normally she began to suspect she’d been the target of Jamie’s sense of humour.

Then Malcolm found a need to lean over her shoulder to point out something on her monitor and he suddenly stopped right in the middle of the motion and tilted his head toward her. She swore she could hear him oh so gently breathing in.

Then he breathed out and the feel of that against her neck cause her heartrate to start pounding in her chest.

Another inhale from him, then “Calm down love, I’m no going to eat ye. Don’t have a fuckin’ heart attack on me”

Then he blinked, smiled at her and retreated back to his office swiftly and closed the door. Sam would later swear that she’d seen a flash of teeth that were longer than they had any right to be.

_Instant Message from Malcolm Tucker to Jamie MacDonald:_

**Malcolm** : _WHAT have you been saying ye little effing scrote?_

**Jamie:** _Eh? What now?_

**Malcolm:** _Care te fucking explain why Sam is wanderin’ around offering up her neck like a bloody sacrifice?_

**Jamie:** _Oh ffs you stupid auld fuck – she fuckin’ fancies the pants off ye and asked me how te pull ye_

**Jamie:** _I said show a wee bit o’neck_

**Malcolm:** _That’s ALL ye said?_

**Jamie:** _Oh and dinnae wear perfume_

**Malcolm** : _Jesus fuck you’re a bloody idiot_

**Jamie:** _Eh? D’ye not like her?_

**Malcolm** : _Get over here_

**Jamie:** _Now?!_

**Malcolm:** _Yeah, NOW_

**Jamie:** _Why?_

**Malcolm** : _Because thanks to you being a fuckin’ moron I’ve been bloody distracted to the point of no being able to work_

**Malcolm:** _now I’m thirsty as hell and you are getting the fuck over here to sort that out_

**Jamie:** _Why not Sam?_

**Malcolm:** _MacDonald, remember how you react when you lose more than 2 pints of the red stuff?_

**Malcolm:** _Get te FUCK HERE NOW._


	3. Heating things up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sam and Malcolm get sweaty (not like THAT)

 

It was only a week or so since the 'neck' encounter (and Jamie leaving the office later looking like he'd been raked over the coals for some reason) and Sam would have been carrying on her subtle plan to romance Malcolm had it not been for the fact that the bloody heating system in the office had gone nuts.

 

It was winter outside in London, but inside the press offices it was 30-odd degrees and rising as the facilities manager tried desperately to get it to stop dumping heat full bore onto everyone.

 

Sam had already taken her suit jacket off and was fanning herself with the latest memos from the Treasury (useless to her – Malcolm had got hold of them weeks prior through nefarious means) while trying to work out if any of the windows in the building could be opened to a decent amount. Her eyes flicked to the clock on her computer and reckoned that Malcolm could do with another cup of tea right about now – he was a bit predictable in that aspect – seeing as how he'd had one 30 minutes ago. She made a swift cup (from the teabags on the side marked “Malcolm's – touch and FUCKING DIE”) and took it into the boiling room where her boss was working.

 

“Ahh cheers sweetheart” he grinned at her, “good hot cup of tea when it's hotter than Satan's sweaty bollocks in here. Ever think we Brits are fucking nuts?”. He picked up the cup anyway and gulped down a mouthful despite it being fresh from the kettle.

She would have agreed if she could stop thinking about the sight of Malcolm sat there without his suit jacket on and his white shirt rumpled and sticking to his skin.

 

“Any word from facilities about getting the temperature in here down from fucking volcano level yet?” he queried, sweat visibly trickling down his forehead, “much more of this and I'll be ready to be January in Number 10's wet t-shirt calendar”

 

Sam shook her head and wiped her hand absent-mindedly across the back of her neck to swipe off a layer of perspiration that had developed, letting the same hand stroke round to her collarbones in an attempt to dry off a bit.

 

It could have been a trick of the light, or heat exhaustion on her part, but she could have sworn Malcolm's eyes flashed amber for a split second just then.

 

 

Sam had returned to her desk and closed the office door behind her without incident, Malcolm thanked whatever deities there were that he hadn't fucked over yet for that.

 

He hadn't lost control like that in a very long time. His canine teeth lengthening the other day when he'd got close to her was bad enough, but the feral hunter's eyes when she stroked her neck...Christ he'd not slipped up like that in years, probably not since the first night he'd looked out on the world with his new amber-eyed gaze and searched for prey.

 

Malcolm bit his own lip viciously, drawing blood but it wasn't enough. The smell of her natural pheromones trickling from the perspiration on her body was lingering even now in the office. Every deep breath he tried to draw to calm down simply drew more of her scent into him and made it damn near impossible for him to think of anything else but her.

 

Sam. Stretched out under him, his teeth in her neck, her moans as he suckled...he was willing to bet she'd taste like a fine delicate vintage....

 

With a roar Malcolm punched his hand straight through the window pane and stood gulping in the cold air of central London.

 

Fuck.

 


	4. The reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whereupon Sam sees something she really can’t explain away

Sam continued with her campaign to seduce Malcolm. She’d found that it took surprisingly little to bribe Jamie with to get tidbits of info and advice from the Scottish terrier, he’d worked with Malcolm for over 10 years and hid a remarkable intellect behind those violent tantrums of his.

Jamie had reiterated about the bare neck and ‘nae fucking perfume right? None of that floral shite’ and added a few bits about Malc’s favourite colours (grey, black, red) as well as a few tips for steering conversations away from work and ‘wear some earrings aye? Something that’ll get his attention’. Apparently Malcolm had a real kink for necks.

Sam had spent a good evening at home just thinking about Malcolm’s long fingers running their way down her neck, followed by his mouth, then his tongue after that. The mental images made her very very glad she lived alone as she may have had a hard time explaining some of the noises she was making to anyone else. ‘Oh god Malcolm please’ can’t really be mistaken for the heating system gurgling after all.

On Friday that week she turned up to work in a grey dress with a sweeping hem, sweetheart-necked and a pair of simple drop diamond earrings (an 18th birthday present years ago from her parents) under a grey suit jacket, the dress had been a bit of a luxury buy but it clung in all the right places while still looking professional enough for the office so she hadn’t baulked too much at the purchase. Sam checked herself out in the mirrors in the ladies and clipped her hair back off her face before heading to her desk.  

She’d taken Malcolm’s morning tea into his office (putting a slight sway to her step to show off the swish of her skirt) and he’d taken a long look before dropping his eyes suddenly and muttering something about work that needed doing and ‘nice dress’ while keeping his mouth conspicuously closed as much as possible. As Sam walked back to her desk to puzzle over this (was that a good reaction? He’d really not been able to take his eyes off her for a good minute or so there..) she heard Malcolm yell down his phone at Jamie for him to get his arse over here.

…

Jamie and Malcolm had been in his office for barely 5 minutes with the door closed before the phone on Sam’s desk rang with an urgent call for her boss. It really was an urgent call, she hated to disturb Malcolm but this really couldn’t wait (Sam had been trained by Malcolm to be able to decide just how long an issue could be left before exploding) so she took a few notes and walked into his office.

She didn’t stay long before running back out and shutting the door behind her. She must be going insane. Long hours and the stress of the job coupled with her lust for her boss was making her see things. That must be it.

She did NOT just see Jamie bent back in Malcolm’s arms with Malcolm’s teeth fastened firmly on his neck.

She did NOT just hear Malcolm make sucking noises over Jamie’s faint moans.

She couldn’t have.

She just couldn’t.


	5. Vampire Malcolm revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the last part, Sam had walked into the office to see Malcolm sucking the hell out of Jamie's neck. Our story continues..

 

Malcolm had left Jamie to clean himself up and made sure to wipe his mouth carefully (sip of tea helped) before heading out of the office to explain things to Sam and deal with whatever emergency had her rushing into the room in the first place.

 

Sam was sat back at her desk looking more than a little shaken but was still composed enough to inform him that while she was sorry for interrupting, someone senior at the Treasury had been seen at a Soho club hoovering a goodly amount of white powder up his nose and the story was likely to hit the papers by morning if it wasn’t stopped.

 

“Fuck” Malcolm snapped, “Listen, I really have to go fix this but we need to talk aye? Dinner, my place this evening? Okay?”

Bewildered she nodded and watched as he strode into the press office and began marshalling the combined forces of the Caledonian Mafia.

 

A few minutes later Jamie swaggered out of Malcolm’s office and perched on the end of Sam’s desk.

“So now ye know. Question is, can ye keep quiet?”

“About what?” she answered. “That you two appear to be having a hell of a kinky affair going on in the bloody workplace? Thanks for fucking leading me on and thinking I have a chance with him when he quite obviously prefers MEN”

Jamie laughed “Oh Jesus sweetheart, have you ever got the wrong end of the stick! We’re no shaggin’”

“Well you could have fooled me, what with him bending you over the desk like that”

“Believe me lass, it's no for want of tryin' on mai part but he's been carrying a fuckin' candle for you like an altar boy for years. This was just his lunch”

Sam was even more confused now, “Lunch?”

 

Before Jamie could elaborate further his name was screamed down the hallway by a seriously pissed-off Malcolm. Jamie hopped off the end of Sam's desk and started off toward his master's voice but before he exited her office he turned back and simply told her “Malcolm will explain it all tonight okay luv? Don't worry”

 

…

 

 

Work was then hectic and Sam saw neither Jamie nor Malcolm for the rest of the day, although a few emails popped up from Malcolm telling her what time dinner would be and she could use his cash to pay for a cab.

When the time arrived, she headed directly to Malcolm's home and the two of them settled down at the table for dinner like they had so many times before. Sam didn't even have the chance to start eating before Malcolm sighed and spoke.

 

“I'm a fuckin' vampire”

 

Suddenly a whole load of things clicked into place for Sam. Her natural curiosity wanted to find out more.

“Have you – always – been one?” she asked

“No, that happened a coupla year back”

“How?”

He sighed “I'll spare ye the details but it was one night in the offices and what was a fight ended up with someone with their fangs in mai neck. They drained me, I drank from them...fuck, you know that Anne Rice shit”

“Who was it? Who turned you?”

His teeth visibly lengthened as he snarled the answer.

 

“Fuckin' Julius”

 

She was lost for words, luckily Malcolm was still talking. “Don't tell Jamie though, he'd fuckin' stake the baldy cunt and I'd no be able to deal with that psychopath being locked up”.

Sam found her voice again “So, you won't vanish into a pile of dust if you get staked?”

He rolled his eyes “No, and I can go out in the sun though it hurts my eyes something fierce, I'm no fussed by crosses, I do have a heartbeat and I cannae turn into a bat”

“But, I've seen you eat food?”

“Aye, I can. I still like the taste of it an' all but it's not what I need to keep myself goin' anymore. I need blood fer that. Animal is okay but human is just.....better. It's richer, more alive, more...vital”

 

The image of Malcolm sinking his teeth into her neck flooded Sam’s mind and she moaned quietly.

“Jesus, please don’t do that” Malcolm replied, his eyes starting to glow “if ye start getting’ all hot and bothered then it makes it fuckin’ hard for me to not just leap on ye”

 

Which was what Sam realised she wanted now. She met his eyes and spoke calmly “Bite me”.

“Please darlin’, don’t do this. Do ye know how hard it is for me to keep control? It’s fucking hard enough when feedin’ from Jamie and him I don’t want to sleep with”

 

He wanted her. That admission was probably to blame for the events of the next few minutes.

Smiling, Sam picked up the knife by the side of her plate and slowly drew the blade across the swell of her breasts – drawing a line of blood.

Malcolm’s eyes flashed to bright amber and with teeth bared and a feral growl he threw the whole table sideways, sending plates and cups flying and smashing against the walls, and leapt at her – fastening his mouth around the seeping wound and sucking viciously while pushing them both down onto the floor. He had her pinned down with his unnatural strength while he ripped her dress and bra and sank his fangs deeper into her, one hand squeezing her other breast while his mouth worried at the other.

She moaned desperately. It felt like all the nerves in her groin were directly wired to his teeth and with every suck she could feel herself getting wetter.

 

He broke away briefly to purr in her ear “ye know, Jamie comes every time I do this” and returned back to drawing more mouthfuls of hot scarlet out of her. She could see why, he hadn’t even touched her below the waist and she was already getting close herself.

 


	6. Sex and Biting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the last part, Sam was at Malcolm’s house and after he revealed himself to be a vampire – had taunted him into biting her…

_God, no wonder Jamie comes when Malcolm feeds from him_ , Sam thought, looking down at the sight of Malcolm sucking hard against one of her breasts before closing her eyes again and moaning desperately, her body writhing on the floor beneath him. Nothing in her past even came close to this wanton, primal feeling; she wanted him to devour her, take her, mark her and claim her for his own.

Malcolm stopped sucking for a bit and licked over her breast and nipple gently, repeatedly before speaking in a roughened voice.

“If ye don’t want me to take this further, you have tae tell me now. I won’t be able to stop soon”

“And if I don’t want you to stop?” she asked in a bare whisper.

He ground himself against her and she felt how aroused he was. “Then” he breathed, “then I’m going to drink from you and make love to ye right here on the fuckin’ floor”

Sam pulled his face up to hers and kissed him, tasting the copper tang of her own blood on his lips and feeling his fangs bump against her tongue. Pulling back to look into his glowing eyes she spoke “take me” she moaned softly, “Make me yours”.

It was as if all restraints and concerns were dropped in a sudden rush. Malcolm pierced her breast again with his teeth and ran his rough tongue over her nipple before fastening his lips on her skin and sucking harshly, at the same time rolling off her to one side so his left hand was free to run up her dress and between her legs. His questing fingers found her underwear and roughly pulled it down before slipping a long finger into her soft, wet interior. He growled with appreciation upon finding her so damp, so hot and ready for him and started moving his thumb in circular motions just above her clit while sliding his finger in and out. Teasing her, sucking her harder as he sped up the motions of his hand and added another finger sliding inside her.

Sam was lost, floating in a world where the only things that existed were the feel of Malcolm’s teeth and fingers, the pressure of an impending orgasm growing steadily inside her. She tried to hold it back as long as possible but then Malcolm rasped his tongue over her nipple again and it tipped her over the edge, coming hard, crying out at the waves of sensation pulsing through her.

…..

Malcolm shuddered as the taste of Sam’s blood changed suddenly – becoming even richer and smoother as she cried out from the force of her orgasm and pulsed around his fingers. Jesus, it was like the taste was hotwired directly to his groin, he was suddenly harder than he’d ever been in his life and couldn’t think of anything else but sinking himself into the lovely woman he’d just made come on his fingers.

He still had the bare mental skills to remember to stop drinking too much from her and close her wounds up with a drop of his own blood before kicking the remains of his shattered dining table out of the way so he could roll them over onto the soft rug on the floor. Malcolm knelt up just long enough to pull his trousers and boxers down and do the same to her underwear before he was spreading her thighs with his hands and settling on top of her. With a single thrust of his hips he slid his hard length deep into her and captured her mouth with his, twining his fingers with hers and holding her hands down on the floor as he arched above her and started thrusting eagerly.

Malcolm could still feel her blood coursing through his body. It was like having her actually under his skin as he took her willing body underneath him. She was tightening again and moaning desperately as he pounded harder and faster in and out of her – chasing his own orgasm while feeling her convulse with another one around him.

Her moan of passionate relief was too much for Malcolm though and he felt himself pass the point of no return and thrust deeply one final time inside her and came in great racking spurts over and over. More than he ever had before, just coming until it bordered on pain and he howled as his cock gave one final pulse and he collapsed onto her.

They lay there, among the shattered remains of his furniture and the torn remains of their clothes, breathing heavily until he rolled off to one side and pulled her with him to lie her head on his chest. She cuddled up to him and they just stayed there entwined in each other’s arms until the pounding of their hearts slowed.


	7. After the sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam awakes after her first time with a vampire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the excessive delay in posting this! There will be more vampire Malcolm in future :)

Sam regained her mental faculties slowly after being energetically fucked into the floor by Malcolm in his blood-fuelled lust. Looking down she saw his slender form wrapped around her, smiled as she saw him snoozing gently with his head pillowed on her chest. Malcolm at rest. A very rare sight. Her eyes surveyed the rest of the room in some embarrassment though – shattered table, dinner on the carpet, her clothes (and his) strewn in all directions - it did appear as though a hurricane had torn through the house.

 

_Hurricane Malcolm_ she thought and giggled to herself, waking him up.

 

“Something funny love?”

 

She shook her head and hugged him tightly, still laughing. The room was tilting slightly from side to side and she watched it with some interest through half-lidded eyes.

 

Malcolm propped himself up on one elbow and looked at her, noting the pale skin and drooping eyelids, swore profusely and got up.

 

“You don’t regret what we did?” she asked, concern creasing her brow.

 

“Oh fuck love it’s not that.” He moved to help her up off the floor to sitting on the sofa. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you. No, it’s me being a fucking dreadful host – didn’t even feed you before I ate an’ look at ye. Pale, shaking. Stay there, I’ll get ye something”

 

It wasn’t long before Sam found herself sat on the sofa with a large blanket around her and a spread of food on the coffee table. A cup was thrust in front of her and she grasped its warmth gladly. “Tea an’ sugar love. Did you think Jamie drank that stuff all the time out of choice?”. Malcolm didn’t let up with nagging her to eat until she’d consumed what he called a ‘reasonable’ amount of food and to be fair, she did feel a lot better. Sam settled back into the warmth of the blanket and sofa and watched Malcolm get dressed and busy himself with tidying up the mess they’d made. She couldn’t help but feel a bit proud, she’d had rough frenzied oh-god-got-to-have-you-now sex before but had never destroyed furniture in the process. Then again, she’d never been with a vampire before.

 

Cleaning finished, Malcolm dropped down on the sofa next to Sam and held the back of his hand against her forehead to gauge her recovery.

 

“Ye don’t feel ice cold anymore pet so I’ll reckon you’ll be fine.” His hand dropped onto his lap and he leaned back, eyes closed “Christ I’m fuckin’ sorry love, I could’ve done some real damage”

 

“I think we did” Sam nodded toward the ruins of the table and to her relief he laughed and pulled her against him. Part of Sam’s mind was busy screaming at her that she’d not only just had sex with her boss, but she’d had sex with her boss and also found out he was a vampire, just how the hell was she going to cope at work? His hand was drawing lazy circles on her shoulder and he cleared his throat, unaware of her mental dilemmas. “Do ye…want to do that again sometime?” his voice was strangely hesitant. “Do you?” she answered. “God yes, I want tae take you up to my bed right now an’ bang your fucking brains out until the sun comes up, but I think we could both use some sleep yeah?”

 

It turned out vampires also didn’t sleep in coffins. Malcolm had a very comfortable king sized bed with soft duvet and plenty of pillows and leant her one of his (grey) t-shirts to sleep in if she wanted. There was more than enough room for them both to stretch out without bashing into each other, but Malcolm was pleasantly surprised when Sam curled up, head on his chest and promptly fell asleep. He stayed awake for a while just listening to her breathing and stroking her hair. Julius was going to have a fucking fit – his sire strongly discouraged getting involved with humans – but Malcolm honestly didn’t care. He’d fight anybody to keep this woman.


End file.
